Blog:ThE lEgEnD oF dArK wItCh GaMeS rAnKeD

Hello, Legend of Dark Witch Wiki! Today I'll be ranking all of the games in The Legend of Dark Witch series. While I mostly like every game in the series (except 2), some games are better than others (naturally). So with that said, let's rank em.

7. The Legend of Dark Witch Episode Too The Thighs on the Fire
This “game”? It makes me HIV positive whenever anyone talks about it in the slightest. The Legend of Dark Witch 2 is an abomination that deserves to be lost in the sands of time, unlike The Legend of Dark Witch 3 (rip 2017-2023, we lost a real one). Take everything that was good about the first game and multiply it by -3, because this game is worse than Ocarina of Time (ANOTHER shitty game). The level design is just wack. It's flatter than Zizou herself. There's no verticality or anything, just straight and boring platforming. The story is also shit, too. Apparently Franzer has a really big backstory, but I never learned how to read, so I say “Fuck that”. And the music soundslike Mega Man Zero 4 on the GBA. While there's some good songs, most of them are just terrible. Like Dark Witch. What is this, a circus? Or Happy Times? Jesus, can the opera shut the fuck up? There's some redeeming qualities, like Rudy, but other than that, 2 is just garbage. Only play it if you're a masochist. 0/10.

6. Dark Witch Uno Renovation
Uno Renovation is a remake of Uno, and by god does it suck, unlike my favorite game, which we'll get into. First off, this “””remake””gives you remade graphics, which actually look really nice, just like the Mega Man X Mobile. Aw yeah, flash games look FUCKING AMAZING! But other than that, this remake doesn't do anything else, so 3/10. Do not buy.

5. Dark Witch Uno Chronic Illness
Uno is just a better version of 2, but it's not the best game. The level design is bad because are too little death traps, so the game is really easy. The story changed my life, though. Riva steals the Syega pieces, and when she got caught, I cried. The music needs improvement, but Uno is much better than the thighs on the fire. 6/10.

4. Rude Mical
Rude Mical is a rhythm game, and a very great one at that. You slash balls and it's pretty fun and easy. The game is simple and easy to pick up. I haven’t had this much fun since I graduated! There are lots of songs, but unfortunately it uses The Thighs on the Fire’s soundtrack, so it kinda sucks, 7/10.

3. Brav Dungeon
This is a great game with amazing dungeon design. Also, the fack that you can’t run before you 100% a map makes it infinitely more fun and balanced. Unfortunately, the music kinda sucks but the game is fun, 8/10,.

2. + Combat
Just bd but more so 9/10

1. Episode 3 Wisom and Lunaky
THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING DARK WICTH GAME INAMBIN+GIONSULYT. IT CUTS ALL OF THE SHIT FROM 2 and ! and MAKES AN AMAZIGN GAME. IT”S HARD AS BALLS BUT THE LEVEL DESIGN IS PERFECT. I ESPECIALLY LIKE THE CHEAPSD SHOTS, SO IF YOU NLIKE MHARD GAMES< BPLAY IT> FUCKING 1e+10/10. Wait a second, I think I forgot something.

0. Break Rock Syega Crystal
If this game had a penis, I would let it fuck me till my ass disenegrates. I was only nine years old. I loved Dark Witch 3 so much, I had all the merchandise and comics. I'd pray to Dark Witcvh 3 every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Dark Witch 3 is love", I would say, "Dark Witch 3 is life". My dad hears me and calls me a fuck head. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Dark Witch 3. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Claudia. I'm so happy. She whispers in my ear, "What are you doing in my garden?". She grabs me with her powerful snake hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I can feel my cock hardening as my eyes start to water. I push against her force. I want to please Shrek. She enchants me. My dad walks in. Claudia looks him straight in the eye. She leaves through my window. Dark Witch 3 is love. Dark Witch 3 is life.

Okay, but for real.
2 is the best game